Topic: Dirty Little Secrets VIII
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chasingghosts


Posts: 46460
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Posted: 27 Nov 2018 08:07 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VIII
^ I do that a lot too. I have a voice that just randomly yells at me and tells me I'm stupid, I'm an idiot, to just shut up already and reminds me of mistakes I've made in my life.

I can feel myself slowing dissociating. I dream up these whole entire lives for myself to distract myself from the reality that is my actual life.
joybucket


Posts: 2521
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Posted: 01 Dec 2018 02:43 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VIII
I'm upset. I wish I had someone to talk to. I made a stupid decision a couple of days ago....and I can't go back and fix it. I don't know what to do. I ruined my day, and the next day, and now today. I feel shitty and have no one to talk to. The person I want to talk to is mean and hates me now. :( smh I wish I could call and cancel plans without being treated horribly...I'm scared of disappointing people and scared of being abused...that's why I don't call and cancel plans when I should. But I forgot about this appointment until the last minute, and by that time I had already made other plans and really didn't want to go....but I did, because I didn't have enough time to call cancel. I felt terrible the rest of the day from the heat in the car and the food we ate, and it wasn't worth it. I was miserable all the rest of today and yesterday and today. I really had things I wanted to do that day. :( Why can't I call and say no? If I had said I didn't want to go, I might have been beaten....or made them mad or disappointed them...for some reason, I am always afraid of disappointing people, even though I always end up disappointed when I make a decision for other people like this. What can I do? I know I can learn for next time, but I'm still upset, and that doesn't help me at all right now. I want the last two days back. I had things to do, and now I'm behind. I'm upset. Where's a mom when I need one? I just needed to vent...
roxy-ryan


Posts: 7426
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Posted: 03 Dec 2018 03:37 AM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VIII
Everything was going right on track and things were working out and boom! It all comes crashing down and reality bites me.
I had a good job with hours I could tolerate, home life was great, my health was average but on the mend and I was remotely happy.
BOOM.
Work cuts my hours down to one shift a week and now I am being put back with a job network that are forcing me into workshops on how to write resumes, cover letters and to practice mock interviews and learn about customer service and communication.
ONE: I do not need any help in those areas, my resume was written by a professional as were my cover letter templates.
TWO: I have never struggling getting work until our state fell under and there are more unemployed than there are available jobs.
THREE: Visa students and others from other countries are taking our jobs.
FOUR: It is nothing to do with me and my skills, It's the fact there's not enough jobs for the amount of people needing jobs with HUGE companies closing and thousands more needing work.
I am so stressed about it all, it's driving me insane.
Then we have health, my diabetes is not under control and my ovary issues preventing me from ovulating and other issues meaning IVF could be my only choice which is super EXPENSIVE.
I am just so damn lost.


Roxy Ryan
29
Obsessed with AMC's The Walking Dead, Disney and Tumblr.

Wanna keep a hold of my heart
I'm falling into this again
Falling in and out of love.
roxy-ryan


Posts: 7426
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Posted: 21 Dec 2018 07:43 AM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VIII
I would give anything to feel absolutely nothing right now. No emotions, no feelings, nothing.
I want to be completely numb.


Roxy Ryan
29
Obsessed with AMC's The Walking Dead, Disney and Tumblr.

Wanna keep a hold of my heart
I'm falling into this again
Falling in and out of love.
chasingghosts


Posts: 46460
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Posted: 22 Dec 2018 09:46 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VIII
I want to be desired. I want someone to have that raw animalistic lust for me.
joybucket


Posts: 2521
Unstoppable Bzoinker
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Posted: 11 Jan 2019 11:13 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VIII
I've never experienced sexual attraction.
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