Topic: Dirty Little Secrets VIII
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chasingghosts


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Posted: 27 Nov 2018 08:07 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VIII
^ I do that a lot too. I have a voice that just randomly yells at me and tells me I'm stupid, I'm an idiot, to just shut up already and reminds me of mistakes I've made in my life.

I can feel myself slowing dissociating. I dream up these whole entire lives for myself to distract myself from the reality that is my actual life.
joybucket


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Posted: 01 Dec 2018 02:43 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VIII
I'm upset. I wish I had someone to talk to. I made a stupid decision a couple of days ago....and I can't go back and fix it. I don't know what to do. I ruined my day, and the next day, and now today. I feel shitty and have no one to talk to. The person I want to talk to is mean and hates me now. :( smh I wish I could call and cancel plans without being treated horribly...I'm scared of disappointing people and scared of being abused...that's why I don't call and cancel plans when I should. But I forgot about this appointment until the last minute, and by that time I had already made other plans and really didn't want to go....but I did, because I didn't have enough time to call cancel. I felt terrible the rest of the day from the heat in the car and the food we ate, and it wasn't worth it. I was miserable all the rest of today and yesterday and today. I really had things I wanted to do that day. :( Why can't I call and say no? If I had said I didn't want to go, I might have been beaten....or made them mad or disappointed them...for some reason, I am always afraid of disappointing people, even though I always end up disappointed when I make a decision for other people like this. What can I do? I know I can learn for next time, but I'm still upset, and that doesn't help me at all right now. I want the last two days back. I had things to do, and now I'm behind. I'm upset. Where's a mom when I need one? I just needed to vent...
roxy-ryan


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Posted: 03 Dec 2018 03:37 AM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VIII
Everything was going right on track and things were working out and boom! It all comes crashing down and reality bites me.
I had a good job with hours I could tolerate, home life was great, my health was average but on the mend and I was remotely happy.
BOOM.
Work cuts my hours down to one shift a week and now I am being put back with a job network that are forcing me into workshops on how to write resumes, cover letters and to practice mock interviews and learn about customer service and communication.
ONE: I do not need any help in those areas, my resume was written by a professional as were my cover letter templates.
TWO: I have never struggling getting work until our state fell under and there are more unemployed than there are available jobs.
THREE: Visa students and others from other countries are taking our jobs.
FOUR: It is nothing to do with me and my skills, It's the fact there's not enough jobs for the amount of people needing jobs with HUGE companies closing and thousands more needing work.
I am so stressed about it all, it's driving me insane.
Then we have health, my diabetes is not under control and my ovary issues preventing me from ovulating and other issues meaning IVF could be my only choice which is super EXPENSIVE.
I am just so damn lost.


Roxy Ryan
30
Obsessed with AMC's The Walking Dead, Disney and Tumblr.

Wanna keep a hold of my heart
I'm falling into this again
Falling in and out of love.
roxy-ryan


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Posted: 21 Dec 2018 07:43 AM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VIII
I would give anything to feel absolutely nothing right now. No emotions, no feelings, nothing.
I want to be completely numb.


Roxy Ryan
30
Obsessed with AMC's The Walking Dead, Disney and Tumblr.

Wanna keep a hold of my heart
I'm falling into this again
Falling in and out of love.
chasingghosts


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Posted: 22 Dec 2018 09:46 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VIII
I want to be desired. I want someone to have that raw animalistic lust for me.
joybucket


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Posted: 11 Jan 2019 11:13 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VIII
I've never experienced sexual attraction.
navmav117


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Posted: 26 Jan 2019 09:02 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VIII
My nephew was born last week, and all I really feel when looking at pictures and videos of him is complete disinterest. Kind of a "meh, it's a baby" sort of feeling. After he was brought home from the hospital, my parents went to visit my brother and sister-in-law, and my mom pretty much insisted that Brian and I "meet" our new nephew over FaceTime. She called on FaceTime yesterday afternoon, and she put her phone up to the baby's face so that Brian and I could see him. We both did our best to appear excited, and fake oohs and aahs over the baby, but I think it's inevitable that my family will soon realize that we just don't really like babies or children and that we definitely don't want any of our own. I know it's perfectly fine and normal for a woman to not be maternal and to not think babies are cute, but everyone in my family is baby-obsessed so they're not going to understand that or agree with it, and I hope it doesn't negatively affect my relationship with any of my relatives.
- Kelly -
badomen


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Posted: 17 Feb 2019 11:42 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VIII
i’m so pissed off like all the time. i’m so angry but can’t put a finger on exactly why. i feel like there’s something wrong with me.
chasingghosts


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Posted: 18 Feb 2019 09:44 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VIII
I’ve been so anxious lately, but it’s about stuff I can identify. Most of the time my anxiety seems to be for no reason. Being able to identify it means you can take steps to change things and lessen the anxiety, but a lot of this stuff can’t be changed, but then it makes me MORE anxious.
joybucket


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Posted: 19 Feb 2019 07:12 AM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VIII
I just had to go and read a book that would make me cry yesterday, didn't I? lol I've been doing so well about keeping my mind off my problems lately...it doesn't do anything good to dwell on them....but I enjoy reading, and books usually include sad parts that remind me of my pain (or at least this one did.) Now I'm missing her...and her....I've been betrayed by multiple friends, and I have no one I can trust. I wish I could be loved by someone again....
chasingghosts


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Posted: 19 Feb 2019 11:15 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VIII
I seriously need to do something about this situation. I’ve been waiting long enough and nothing has changed. I’m just terrified of the repercussions, like losing money and stability. I’m also afraid of the reaction I might get from people, but once I leave it’ll be a huge weight off my shoulders and I’ll never have to go back.
joybucket


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Posted: 22 Feb 2019 01:44 AM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VIII
I don't really have any dirty little secrets. I really am a good person, a good friend, and a disciple of Jesus Christ, and I love life and am positive and happy today. :) God is good!
roxy-ryan


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Posted: 18 Mar 2019 02:03 AM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VIII
I have been quite selfish in ways the last dew months.
People have reached out to me and I have basically pushed them away.
That's the selfish part, because is it really selfish in the end anyway to want to improve yourself and your life and to do so focus on yourself and improving?
I don't think so.

I feel like my health and well being is more important than risking getting worse.


Roxy Ryan
30
Obsessed with AMC's The Walking Dead, Disney and Tumblr.

Wanna keep a hold of my heart
I'm falling into this again
Falling in and out of love.
mariababy


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Posted: 18 Mar 2019 03:58 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VIII
I don't regret anything about what has happened in the last few months.
Me quede con las ganas de que fueramos la mejor historia de amor-Danns Vega
chasingghosts


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Posted: 19 Mar 2019 07:33 AM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VIII
I'm so completely bored of life.
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