Me and a Moderator Friend, Kris.

Created by xx-kingofwarfare1 and read 1102 times.

Introduction The intro is going to be; Where the two people are going to .....

Chapter 1 - The Beginning.

It all started when our uber geek, Shawn, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling exceedingly worried, Shawn slapped a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Giggling like schoolgirl, he realized that his beloved Labtop was missing! Immediately he called his parole officer, Kris. Shawn had known Kris for (plus or minus) 2,000 years, the majority of which were exotic ones. Kris was unique. He was charismatic though sometimes a little... selfish. Shawn called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Kris picked up to a very nervous Shawn. Kris calmly assured him that most albino cats yawn before mating, yet venomous koalas usually earnestly belch *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Shawn. Why was Kris trying to distract Shawn? Because he had snuck out from Shawn's with the Labtop only ten days prior. It was a flamboyant little Labtop... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before Shawn got back to the subject at hand: his Labtop. Kris sneezed. Reluctantly, Kris invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Labtop. Shawn grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Kris realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Labtop and he had to do it thoughtfully. He figured that if Shawn took the spaceship, he had take at least nine minutes before Shawn would get there. But if he took the A tank? Then Kris would be very screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Kris was interrupted by five abrasive a Koobas that were lured by his Labtop. Kris sneezed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling puzzled, he aptly reached for his carrot and fearlessly punched every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the A tank rolling up. It was Shawn.


As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Egg Roll King to pick up a 12-pack of dangerous oil-soaked rags, so he knew he was running late. With a skillful leap, Shawn was out of the A tank and went exotically jaunting toward Kris's front door. Meanwhile inside, Kris was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Labtop into a box of wolverines and then slid the box behind his giraffe. Kris was angered but at least the Labtop was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Kris exotically purred. With a deft push, Shawn opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some stupid social outcast in a magic flying carpet,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Kris assured him. Shawn took a seat exotically proximate to where Kris had hidden the Labtop. Kris shuddered trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Shawn was distracted. Before anyone could take off their pants, Kris noticed a clueless look on Shawn's face. Shawn slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Kris felt a stabbing pain in his kidney when Shawn asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Labtop right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Shawn's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's bananas from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Shawn nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Kris could react, Shawn randomly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Labtop was plainly in view.

Shawn stared at Kris for what what must've been eleven minutes. Before anyone could take off their pants, Kris groped explosively in Shawn's direction, clearly desperate. Shawn grabbed the Labtop and bolted for the door. It was locked. Kris let out a sassy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Shawn,' he rebuked. Kris always had been a little annoying, so Shawn knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Kris did something crazy, like... start chucking bananas at him or something. Before anyone could take off their pants, he gripped his Labtop tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Kris looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Shawn. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame three days never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Shawn. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Kris walked over to the window and looked down. Shawn was gone.


Just yonder, Shawn was struggling to make his way through the haunted thicket behind Kris's place. Shawn had severely hurt his kidney during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral a Koobas suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Labtop. One by one they latched on to Shawn. Already weakened from his injury, Shawn yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of a Koobas running off with his Labtop.

About seven hours later, Shawn awoke, his ear throbbing. It was dark and Shawn did not know where he was. Deep in the lonely secret vineyard, Shawn was barely lost. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, he remembered that his Labtop was taken by the a Koobas. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a huge a Kooba emerged from the disease-infested jungle. It was the alpha a Kooba. Shawn opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the a Kooba sunk its teeth into Shawn's ear. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Shawn's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than seven miles away, Kris was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Labtop. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened carrot. With a careful thrust, he buried it deeply into his armpit. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Shawn... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Labtop that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant a Koobas, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(



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