Katrina Speaks: Katrina's Journal

Created by pinkchocolate and read 5818 times.

Chapter 1

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I guess the truth is, I'm just not satisfied.

My name is Katrina. I'm 25 years old. I have a rosy complexion, and curly hair that's often a little on the frizzy side. Blue eyes. My eyes are my favourite feature; I get a lot of compliments about them.

Why am I not satisfied? I don't know. It seems I'm always longing for something. I'm just not entirely sure what that 'something' is.

I always used to say that it was never wise to leave your happiness in the hands of another person, because they might drop it... but my best friend Sally told me that if they drop it, all you need to do is pick it back up.

So I try to tell myself that I'm the one in control of my happiness. If I'm not happy, I'm the one who has the power to do something about it.

The strange thing is, I don't actually consider myself an unhappy person. I enjoy the simple things. Life is full of simple things that we can appreciate. Chocolate. Cuddles. 'Good morning' text messages.

I think about the past a lot. I'm not sure why. It seems that even when I'm enjoying the present, a small part of me misses something from my past. Sometimes, I seem to miss emotions, rather than people.
A man smiled at me in the supermarket earlier.

"Alright, love?" he said.

My only response was to smile awkwardly and walk away. These days, I feel self-conscious around men.

I've felt this way since I met Michael. That was six months ago. What happened between us that night was a mistake. We were both lonely, so it just felt right at the time. We had only known each other a few days when it happened. It was foolish.

He told me that I was the prettiest, loveliest, most caring girl he had ever known. He said he'd never, ever do anything to hurt me. I believed him. He told me that just because I'd been hurt in the past, there was no reason to think it would always happen. It made sense.

I was afraid he would lose interest in me ... and after six weeks, he did. It seemed he didn't even care for my friendship. I asked myself why it hurt so much. I didn't love him, and he didn't love me, he was just looking for "a bit of fun", as he put it. The truth was, I cared for him, a lot more than he realised. I told him that no matter what happened, I would always be there for him, and would always be his friend. I promised never to hurt him. I kept my promise. Michael, on the other hand, broke all of his promises.

Sometimes I still replay our conversations in my mind, and wonder if he truly meant any of the things he said. I still think of him, and wonder how he's doing. I probably shouldn't. It's highly unlikely that he'll be thinking of me, wondering how I am.

I'm the type of the person that can't completely forget about someone. I can choose not to think about them, but that isn't the same as forgetting. There are moments when I feel a lump in my throat, and just want to cry.
It's okay. I'm human.

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Thank you :)

Mar 17, 2016 6:48pm


I really like your style of writing =]

Mar 16, 2016 9:21pm

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