Living As Me

Created by darthjuju and read 2910 times.

Introduction A journey of where I came from, where I am, and where I want to go from here. I do apologize if a chapter seems to go off topic or if I seem to have a lot of run on sentences. When I write here, I write what I think, and that's a lot of run on sentences. This isn't so much a story as it is true to life stories and feelings from myself. I know it can probably be hard to read grammatically sometimes so I do apologize.

Chapter 13 - 2018 Update

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I haven't been on here in a while. I don't know why. I think it's because the computer I used to get on here stopped working and by the time I got another computer I kind of just forgot. But I was thinking about the story I was writing on here and how much I enjoyed writing an anonymous story about myself. I feel like I can really talk.

So since I have been gone so long I need to update.

It's July 16, 2018. I am going to be 22 next month. I am married and have been for almost a year now. I am also 36 weeks pregnant. Me and my husband are so excited to be having our first child.

It has been a difficult pregnancy though. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes, which was one of my fears. Its not like so horrible, it's just hard to deal with. I have to stick my finger 4 times a day and there is so much I can't eat. But it is worth it for my baby. I already love her so much. We're so exited to meet her and hold her. Just a few more weeks and she will be here.

Married life has been fun. It obviously has ups and downs, but me and TBA love each other so we work through any problems we have. I love him so much I can't even describe it. We are working on getting a house because renting where we are is not working out. We can't get anything fixed in the house, its pretty annoying. We also have very noisy neighbors which is annoying when you're trying to sleep. But I have really liked living with TBA. We moved in with each other a few months before we got married and having been living together a year. I always thought being on our own would be weird, but it actually felt pretty normal the first night.

My OCD has been a lot better. I'm not nearly as compulsive as I was. My anxiety has also been better. It's pretty much situational now. Like the other day my car overheated and I had a panic attack. But I don't get anxious about going out in public or stuff like that very often at all anymore. I know I've gotten better by working on it. But I have to be honest, TBA gives me so much confidence because he loves me so much and makes me feel good about myself. He won't let me put myself down. He's seriously the greatest.

My stepbrother got married and they had a baby. They are also expecting their second child now.
My stepsister also got married and had a baby.
My sister is with someone new, and he is so good for her. And they are expecting a baby too.
I have a lot of pregnant family and friends and its honestly so cool.

My Mom and Stepdad are doing great. They both just got new jobs and I am so excited for them. They've worked so hard and I'm so happy and proud. They are excited also about all the grandbabies.

My Dad is doing good too. And he's trying to move back to where we live. I really hope he does, because I miss him and I don't want him to miss the grandbabies growing up. I hate not being able to go visit because of how far away he lives and I think he does too. So I hope we'll be able to figure out something so he can move back.

There is something I should probably write about that happened at the beginning of 2017. I just don't know if I should. I can't believe it's been over a year now, honestly. I don't talk about it much and I don't know why. I think maybe it's because even though I had a great comfort through the whole thing it still makes me sad to think about it...My brother passed away in January of 2017. I couldn't believe it when I found out. I still remember everything. I know he's in a better place now, but when I think about it too much I get really upset. Its hard for me to think about him or talk about him being gone. And I hate that because I want to remember him. I think what's hard for me is we weren't as close as my sister and he was. There was a big age difference. I mean we loved each other and we talked every now and then but I feel so horrible because I couldn't tell you what his favorite anything was. I know that probably shouldn't matter, but it makes me wish that I had known more. I wrote a letter to him one night when I was writing in my journal. I wanted him to know how I felt, that I was sorry we didn't talk more and that I love him and miss him. I know I'll see him again one day and I know that he watches over all of us.

I think that's all I can write for now. There is more to update on but I think I need to wait before I do.

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