Torchwood Rules

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Introduction The Rules to Being a Member of torchwood

Chapter 1 - Part 1

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1. No messing with the Rift
2. No, seriously, no messing with the Rift
3. Alien technology does not leave the HUB
4. Do not mess with time
5. No retcon abuse
6. No instant coffee
7. Not allowed to swan off with a Time Lord without telling anyone
8. Not allowed to swan off with a Time Lord even if a note is left
9. No camping
10. Not allowed to play Risk with the visiting alien
11. Not allowed to use Eddie Izzard quotes as excuses
12. Not allowed to use Eddie Izzard quotes as excuses, even if you were dead at the time
13. Not allowed to take the SUV out for a romp in the mud
14. No conversations in Welsh
15. No conversations in Japanese
16. Cannot claim 'Aliens made me do it'
17. Cannot provoke Myfanway
18. Do not let Captain John Hart kiss you
19. Cannot copy CCTV footage of team members having sex and put it on YouTube
20. Cannot copy CCTV footage of team members having sex and put it on a DVD
21. Cannot copy CCTV footage of team members having sex
22. No dance-offs
23. Do not challenge team members to an IQ test because you think they cheated the first time
24. Do not challenge team members to an IQ test
25. Do not order pizza under the name 'Torchwood'
26. No team outings to the Himalayas
27. Cannot play 'Truth or Dare'
28. No playing 'Who is Your Last Snog'
29. Not allowed to play 'Monopoly'
30. Not allowed to come into work during the Rugby finals
31. Cannot blame events on the Illinois Nazis
32. No turning off your phone
33. No selling alien artifacts on eBay
34. Cannot use the Torchwood expense account on new shoes
35. Cannot claim that you 'ain't bovered'
36. Ianto's real name is not Jeeves
37. No sniffing the Sub-etheric Resonator
38. Cannot take the day off 'because it's too rainy'
39. Only Ianto can touch the coffee-maker

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