January 1, 2009 at 11:22pm

Happy New Year, everyone!

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January 1, 2009 at 5:53am
Mood: ecstatic

Happy New Year's Day, everyone.

:]

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December 31, 2008 at 8:02am
Mood: amused

With your steady gaze upon me
I am captive.
A specimen
under a slide in a microscope:
yours to observe,
to ridicule,
to alter or destroy.
My resentment is naught;
I am a willing participant
in your experiment.

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December 29, 2008 at 7:09am
Mood: discontent

I traverse the incline of your chest
with hesitant digits
as you inhale.

I search for your heartbeat,
the beacon
in this solitude.

It's steady rhythm is undiscovered,
and with closed eyes
I sigh.

I thought I knew you better.

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December 21, 2008 at 12:59am
Mood: indifferent
Music: Bowling For Soup
Subject: Replacement

Replacement hurts. The mere knowledge that someone who loved you more than anyone else now loves someone else in your place is one of the worst feelings you could ever experience. You feel inferior and far less important than that other person.

I hate that Zach and I are drifting apart. He's my best friend, my idol, my hero. I always used to be his "Best girl" but now Kelly, his girlfriend is. She's been in our family for three years and suddenly she acts like she runs the place. I love her, she's a lovely person, but I just can't stand the feeling of rejection and bitterness when she's around.

I just want to scream, "I WAS HERE FIRST!"

I know it sounds horrible that I'm so selfish like that, but it hurts so bad...

Suddenly I just feel like pure scum. My good friend replaced me. My brother...Everyone favors Zachary. And they have every right to! He's risking his life for this country-He's a hero! But what about me? I'm trying, okay? I'm sorry that I'm frail and petite. I'm sorry I can't mount up to what Zach is now. I admit it, as horrible as it is, I'm jealous.

I was born with the brains and the goody-twoshoes attitude. I get A's in school, I don't drink, I always walk on the safe side. But I'm never noticed for the things I do well--Unless I start playing football or something. Zach was born with the brawn. He got C's in school, he drank, and he would do stupid stuff (such as play chicken and drink and drive). But no--Zach's a hero. Zach's the one who gets the praise.

Now I sound like I'm bashing my brother, but I'm trying not to. I love him to death and I love him more than anyone in the world. I just want my credit. I want someone to love me as much as everyone loves him.

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