November 29, 2008 at 2:57pm
Mood: numb
Music: Let Me Sign - Rob Pattinson
Subject: Goodbye, Baby.

Today was one of the hardest days of life. My boyfriend left this afternoon to go back home.. to Tennessee. And today was the first time ever that I've seen him cry.. & it literally broke my heart.

I was helping him put his bags in his car, and he walked over to me and grabbed my hand. I looked up at him, and I noticed his eyes were wet. I started to say "Baby..." and he grabbed me and we just held each other for a long time. I finally raised my head up and looked at him and saw that he was really crying now. He pushed my hair back and whispered in my ear "Baby, I'm not letting go. Ever."
Now he had me crying my eyes out too.
And for probably fifteen minutes, we just stood out in my driveway holding each other.
Until his cell phone starting ringing and, shockingly [note the sarcasm there] it was his dad, asking if he had left yet.
They talked for a few minutes and after they hung up, he walked back over to me and said "Baby, You know if I had it my way..." and I stopped him and said "I know, baby, I know."
Then he kissed me, and whispered "I love you so much."
I stood up (I had sat down in the front seat of his car while I was waiting for him to get off the phone with his dad) and gave him one last kiss and told him that I loved him too. He held my hand and we just looked at each other for a minute, and finally he said the words that I've been dreading to hear. "Goodbye, baby."
"Bye, baby." I barely could whisper, all the tears coming back again.
He gave me one last hug and kiss and then got into his car. I could barely watch as he backed out of my driveway. I just wanted to run after him and scream "Baby, don't leave! I need you here!" but I knew he had no choice. He had to leave.

I'm trying so hard to be strong, but it is so hard. Just knowing that I might now get to see the love of my life for months... it kills me inside.
This is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but it's worth it.

He's worth it.

November 28, 2008 at 3:59pm

I can't believe thanksgiving break is almost over! It feels like it just started. blahh.
But, I had an amazing week. Mainly, because my boyfriend was in town. His family moved to Tennessee back in the summer, so we hardly ever see each other anymore. So, it was so great to be able to spend all week with him. But they're going back home tomorrow =/

It's so hard not being with him. And it's even harder when everybody I know keeps telling me to just move on and find someone else. But, what they don't understand is that is completely impossible. I love Michael. Yeah, I know I'm young, but there is not a doubt in my mind that he's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. It's just so different with him.. he's not like any other guy I know. For example, he has never once broken a promise that he's made to me. Now, how many guys can you say that about?
I'm completely and totally in love with him. I always have been and I always will be.
& I don't care what anybody says, I am willing to wait my entire life for him. That's how much I love him.

We're going to prove everyone wrong, you just watch.