December 2, 2008 at 10:25am

Sometimes, one has to come to terms with the idea that just because people get older, it doesn't necessarily mean that they 'grow up.'

There are some oh-so-wonderful students to be found around PCC's campus.

And yes, that is sarcasm. It doesn't translate well into text, so I thought that I'd clarify, just in case.

If I come across these characters, they seem to feel this need to divert their attention towards me, rather than to focus on themselves and the conversation that was going on in their own group. To them, I fall under the "emo" category. One can probably predict what sort of insults I endure, if one could even consider their copy-paste "wit" an insult.

One would HOPE that activities such as name-calling would have remained back in high school, or, since we're at a college, that their vocabulary and ability to articulate their disdain for my Emo-osity would have become more advanced.


But no. No. No. That would be giving them far too much credit, I gather.

To come up with what material they have must've taken an incredible group effort, and rarely fluctuates in nature or intensity each time I encounter them. So, rather than consider myself unlucky for having to put up with this, I actually find great humor in it. They devote part of their day to thinking of me, pestering me, and - well, to be quite honest - make a joke out of themselves.

They cannot hurt my feelings, no matter what they say. I'm not - in any way - negatively effected by their behavior. I mean, it's freakin' hysterical. I can't get enough of it.

I guess I should thank them for making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Oh yeah, other warm-fuzziness - I have a 108% in Web Design, and I also got the highest score in the class on our midterm (118%). I think I['m going to finish this class with over a one-hundred percent. I mean, the final is going to be easier than the midterm... All multiple choice. Woo.

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December 2, 2008 at 11:49am
Mood: content
Music: City - HollyWood Undead
Subject: End of the World

bwahaha i made featured member ^_^
i got to talk to crystal today =]]] i miss tha girl. i gave her my address, but she couldn't give me hers. im not sure why but i dont realli care =]
i trying to get caught up in school work cause i bet tyler that i could do it lol XD and my modivation is found in proving people wrong apparentlyyy XDD
ITS DECEMBER!!!
i cant believe it, i mean. last crappin month of the yearrrr
end of 2008.
well, this means theres onli 3-4ish months left of winter. and onli a few more of school!! then i graduate and die!!! XDD
not sure if im gona work a year then go to college or go to college....idk but jer's workin& @ trade school and it seems to me thas pretty much hell.
i mean i love to be busy, i hate being home all the tyme but to be that busy id most likely prety much fall over and die XDD
i dont even have my license yet.
note to self; never let friends or kids wait till they're 17 to get permit <_<
it just makes everything harder!all my friends that are younger than me can drive and i cant <_> and im the old fart
its no fairrrr
sigh
oh well
anywaysssssss december is boring so far, might be looking forward to christmas if i get what i asked for this year.
last year was ruined cause i didnt get one single thing i asked for. i was dissapointed beyond reason.
well, the #1 thing on my list is Jerry.
i knoe i prolly wont get to see him but i do have him =]
<3333
chloe<3

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November 30, 2008 at 5:27am

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


I. Hate. Failing. At. Anything.

I hate feelings of disappointment,
of embarrassment,
of feeling like I am somehow inferior,
or that I did not do my absolute best.

So, a lot of time is dedicated to avoiding those emotions/states of mind.
However, a lot of stress goes into acting out on perfectionistic tendencies,
as you can imagine.

And stress soon becomes the cause of my failures, naturally.

It's a perpectual, self destructive cycle.

Today, I have to take a step back and look [REALLY look] at what's important, or risk losing my way.
Time to take inventory,
to see what will stay,
and what parts of me have become garbage.

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November 29, 2008 at 2:57pm
Mood: numb
Music: Let Me Sign - Rob Pattinson
Subject: Goodbye, Baby.

Today was one of the hardest days of life. My boyfriend left this afternoon to go back home.. to Tennessee. And today was the first time ever that I've seen him cry.. & it literally broke my heart.

I was helping him put his bags in his car, and he walked over to me and grabbed my hand. I looked up at him, and I noticed his eyes were wet. I started to say "Baby..." and he grabbed me and we just held each other for a long time. I finally raised my head up and looked at him and saw that he was really crying now. He pushed my hair back and whispered in my ear "Baby, I'm not letting go. Ever."
Now he had me crying my eyes out too.
And for probably fifteen minutes, we just stood out in my driveway holding each other.
Until his cell phone starting ringing and, shockingly [note the sarcasm there] it was his dad, asking if he had left yet.
They talked for a few minutes and after they hung up, he walked back over to me and said "Baby, You know if I had it my way..." and I stopped him and said "I know, baby, I know."
Then he kissed me, and whispered "I love you so much."
I stood up (I had sat down in the front seat of his car while I was waiting for him to get off the phone with his dad) and gave him one last kiss and told him that I loved him too. He held my hand and we just looked at each other for a minute, and finally he said the words that I've been dreading to hear. "Goodbye, baby."
"Bye, baby." I barely could whisper, all the tears coming back again.
He gave me one last hug and kiss and then got into his car. I could barely watch as he backed out of my driveway. I just wanted to run after him and scream "Baby, don't leave! I need you here!" but I knew he had no choice. He had to leave.

I'm trying so hard to be strong, but it is so hard. Just knowing that I might now get to see the love of my life for months... it kills me inside.
This is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but it's worth it.

He's worth it.

November 29, 2008 at 3:36pm

Cosmic Bowling last night. The black lights and whatnot. It was also officially the latest I've ever gone bowling. Didn't even get to the alley until 11:30.. Stayed until they closed at 2am. My best game last night was a 123.. Which I think is somewhere around my all-time best also.

Anyway, it was fun. Went to a friend's until 3:30, then came home.. Yayy.

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