September 20, 2009 at 9:48pm
Music: medicate-afi.
Subject: basix

i am not a failure. i can turn this around. every second is another chance. why am i wasting them? i am not beneath her. i am human, just like she is.

he wants to know why it's sudden, this is not sudden. love, this has been coming for awhile. can we get past this awkward break-up? can we just begin our friendship again? apparently not. i know there is questions, but they aren't questions i can answer.

it's like the stuffed animal i've had sense i was born has become a stranger to me as well. everything is new, is strange, i don't understand.

i feel so lost. and defiant of everything around me.
i hate it.

September 20, 2009 at 10:57am
Subject: btw;;

I'M GOING TO AFI<3

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September 20, 2009 at 10:49am
Mood: D:
Music: runaway-three days grace
Subject: i need to give these boys ring tones.

he is my best friend.
i love him as my best friend.
it was right to not lead him on.

despite how well he took it,
i feel horrible.

HATE ME.

anyway, so now i'm single.
and fairly certain i want to stay that way
at least until i can tell everyone i like girls (:

i wouldn't want to bring a girl home and it be a surprise ;D
yeah right, they all know, i just am fooling myself.

i won't find anyone anyways.
not anyone i want.

just everyone who wants me.
which sucks because i never want them

oh well.
i guess, life moves on.
i feel better sort of.

i would feel more whole with a signifigant other
but that's just because i don't like being alone
i need to belong to someone.

i guess really i just need someone to love me.
haha.
love me unconditionally.
because no one has ever.

at least, my mother never has.
i'm always looking for what my mother never gave me.


maybe i shouldn't.
<3

August 30, 2009 at 8:41pm
Subject: Twitter?

twitter.com/xSarahAelith

(: follow me?
I'll follow youu.

August 30, 2009 at 6:29pm
Mood: ;D
Subject: we used to be friends.

bulletin on myspace posted by ex-friend;
"I never knew how horrible anti life pills were until now. now i know im not going to fuck up my life with them. not like anyone would care enough to get me anything to help me anyway. Haha. And im close to my new best friend. ;D"

btw, she's called me a drug addict.
oh, and she calls my meds "anti-life" because it apparently makes me into like someone else completely.
but of course, that could be because i turned into someone
who realized she was uber depressed and i couldn't handle it.
but hey, i guess me not being able to handle her expecting me to do things for her makes me "anti-life"

my response to this? in another myspace bulletin;
[scuze the language, i'm not good with censorship.]

"i've not fucked up my life, other people have.
i will find someone better than you.
i don't depend on anything except my music.
i've done nothing in 2009 that i regret. nothing

there's so much more i could say, but hey,
that'd make it obvious.

enjoy your life."


rah, anywho, idc anymore.
it's just this is a journal
and i figure this is what you do to ya know
journals
write.