February 3, 2010 at 9:11am
Mood: contemplative
Music: The Heartless by HIM.
Subject: It's Time I Start Adding Entries To This Thing.

It's after 9am, I've been awake since 6, and I went to bed at 2. Four hours of sleep, awesome.
But I have been thinking a lot, ever since last night. (Which is the reason I woke up at 6 and couldn't get back to sleep.) Mainly, I've just been thinking about my past, my dad, and my brother. Oh, and my lack of a love life, but that's nothing new.
This is why I go to sleep at 5am and wake up at 3pm- so I don't have to deal with the thoughts consuming my brain and driving me crazy.
Oh jeez, now I'm talking to inanimate objects. My water bottle was rattling from the table shaking and I said to it, "Do you mind??"
Oi. I am a strange one.

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May 1, 2009 at 3:35pm
Subject: Covered in Cake

My birthday is in about 12 days. I know that 16 isn't really old, but I've been looking back on the past year thinking, "what the heck have I been doing?" Because honestly, I don't know. It's so strange how I felt like I was age 14 forever and then age 15 went by in a blink and suddenly I'm driving, looking at colleges, thinking about jobs, watching people I've been friends with since grade school graduating from high school...A good friend of mine that I've actually been friends with for about ten years just turned 18 a little less than a month ago and it kind of freaks me out. Everything about growing up kind of gives me the willies...The idea of making my own choices and actually having to pay for stuff on my own just makes me want to throw myself on the ground and pound my fists while screaming, "I don't wanna grow up!"

I think I've watched Peter Pan about 20 times since April 12th, wishing that I could be Peter and never grow up, never have responsibilities. But at the same time, I do want to grow up. I want to grow up and get my own house, get my independence, and so on and so forth. It's exciting and nerve wracking at the same time.

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