June 5, 2009 at 7:47pm
Mood: weird. :-/
Music: She's Country by Jason Aldean

DUDE! I haven't posted a journal entry in like, almost a month! O.O I'm such a loser.

Anywho, not a whole lot going on right now, really. I've decided I'm going to start writing a manga series (Japanese comics). I've already got most of the main characters drawn, and I'm pretty sure I have a storyline. Now I just gotta get the computer program to make it all happennnn. :]

And AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Warped Tour will be here in like, a month! I can't freaking wait. :] And I think that my sister and I will be getting a hotel while we're in Dallas, so we'll get to stay the night. HECK YES! So I'm really looking forward to that. I have to start cleaning the house everyday now though, so I can get me some spending money.


As some of you may have noticed, I haven't been on Bzoink nearly as much as I used to be. Well, the other day, I made a vow to myself that I would, once again, become a regular, active Bzoinker. :] So, you should see me on here a lot more nowwwww. :]

Anyhow, I need to go start cleaning now, so, that's it for now! :]

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May 18, 2009 at 11:53pm
Mood: hopeful

Well are i go again bout to just ramble away lol,here i go...

Lately I've been really depressed, and how ppl don't even care how your feeling just sickens me, they just think that your ok like if your really upset they'll ask are you ok? and you will say yea and they just go back to what their doing and what your really saying is "No im not okay please reach out to me help me somebody" but they don't see it all they gotta do is really look at you and they'll figure it out but their just too busy to really find out whats going on..you can be feeling so bad that you don't even wanna live and still don't notice. You can alotta crazy stuff while your upset and when they do notice they just make you go to therapy or something they want someone else to reach out ,but its really them who need to be reaching out they are the ones who need to be there instead of some therapist , But if they don't listen or reach out ,don't give up stay strong..I said all that just to say that i've been through that and tried to give up but i couldn't i had to much in store for me so here i am to tell you that there is hope there is love ..Even if it seems like nobody cares or loves you God will love you like no other and he will listen to you..

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May 11, 2009 at 2:56am
Mood: Don't really know. :-/
Music: All It Takes For Your Dreams To Come True - A Skylit Drive.

Duuuuudeeeeeee! I haven't been on Bzoink in like, forever!
Okay, well, actually, it's been maybe half a week, but that's about 10 years in Bzoink time.

I feel really bad that I haven't been active at all lately, but I've had a lot going on recently.

I spent a good portion of the weekend Mary, whom I've been best friends with for eleven years. Well, these past two or three years, we've really been drifting apart lately, and this weekend we spent a good deal of time together, so, I was really grateful for that. I got to see, once again, why it was that we had become such good friends in the first place. :]

The rest of the week, I was mostly busy with schoolwork. Today, (well, yesterday, technically,) I was busy all day doing stuff for mi madre, what with it being Mommy's Day and all. :]

ANDDDDDDDD, my sister is living back at home now, because her college is out for the summer. So, her and I have been hanging out a lot.

So, add that all together, and that equals like, no Bzoink time whatsoever. :[

However, things have calmed down recently, so, I should be on a little more now. :]

Tomorrow, I'm going to go see about getting that hardship license. I'm not sure if I've mentioned anything about this yet or not, but, yes, I'm trying to get a hardship license. What that means is, you're allowed to get your driver's license, without having to keep your permit for 6 months, and without having to do driver's ed, AND, you can even get it before you're 16, is you can prove that you really need it.

Such as... you need a license so you can get a job and help out your family, because they're living in "financial poverty" as the call it. Or, if there's a disabled person living in your house who needs help.

And, my mom is disabled. I mean, she's had like, a zillion surgeries, and she's still in a buttload of pain... both of my sisters attend college... my dad works all day and all night, so, she rarely gets to go out and do the things that she needs to do... so, I'm fairly certain that I'll have a good chance of getting this license.

Wow, I just said a lot more than I meant to. o.0 But anyway,the one thing that bummed me out was that I heard that you have to be 18 years old to work at Books-A-Million... so, I don't know where I want to work now. I really want to avoid restaurant simply because that would mean I'd have to do a whole lot of talking to random strangers, and I don't think I can do that quite yet. Sure, I'd have to talk to the customers at a book store, but not nearly as much.

So, yeah, that's why I don't know where I wanna work now.

Anyway, AHHHH I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL I TURN 18!!!! I'm getting like, a buttload of money on my birthday, (approximately 6,000 bucks [from a car wreck settlement]) and I'm using some of it to go to Rome, Italy with my mom, and using the rest of it to go to Tokyo, Japan, with my sister. :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Anywho, if I don't go now, I'm just going to keep rambling about stupid, unimportant stuff, so, later, Bzoinkers! :]

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May 2, 2009 at 3:11am
Mood: apathetic | sleepy
Music: Your Biggest Fan - Nevershoutnever!

Hmm, so, nothing new has been going on lately. Life's been pretty boring. And depressing. -sigh-

I found out that I'm not going to Oklahoma on the 8th after all, which really sucks butt cheeks, because I was seriously looking forward to getting out of this freaking house. I mean, seriously, when I say I'm stuck in this house nearly 24/7, I mean it. I'm home schooled, so I don't leave the house for school, I only have one friend, who lives about 40 minutes away, so I never get to go to her house, and I don't have a license, so I can't go ANYWHERE! I hate it.

But, on the positive side, my mom told me that if I wanted to get a job, she would take me to and from it. So, tomorrow, I'm going to go apply for a job at Books-A-Million. I'm super nervous about getting a job, though, because I'm super shy.

And not just that normal shy that goes away after talking to someone for a while, I mean, it's bordering on some kind of social phobia type thing. I mean, I still make my mom order my food at restaurants because I'm too shy to talk to the waiters. So, by some miracle that I do get the job, I'm going to have a really tough time with it, since I'll be having to work with others and have to help out customers and whatnot, but, I figure, that's probably a good thing.

I mean, I've been home schooled, or in a private school, for my entire life. Now, I've got college coming up in like, a year and a half, and there's thousands and thousands of people at the college I'm going to. So, I think it'd be a good thing for me to get a job now, and hopefully that will help me break out of my shell more and whatnot.

Anyway, it's 3:11 AM and I'm super sleepy, and... I have to piss, so, that's all for now! :]

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April 27, 2009 at 1:51am
Mood: exhausted

Omfg, guys... I haven't been a good Bzoinker lately. :[

I have actually been incredibly busy lately... it seems I actually have somewhat of a social life now, which I never really had before, hence my prolonged sessions on Bzoink. xD

Anyway, as I said in my last journal entry, I've been working on some renovations at home, which have left me insanely sore, which is why I haven't gotten on Bzoink.

And oh, I just want to say this to clarify some things... whenever I do something, even something as simple as painting on wall, it leaves me lying in bed for like, a day, 'cause I have a really bad back. I don't want people keep hearing me say, "Omg, I'm so exhausted from doing (insert task here)" and think that I'm just exaggerating, because I'm not.

I currently have asthma, rheumatoid arthritis in my ankles and knees, carpal tunnel syndrome (wrists), I have messed up disks in my neck, I have a twisted bone in my spine, and I have a messed up L5 disk in my back, which causes immense amount of lower back pains.

And no, I'm not just saying all that 'cause I want pity or whatever, I'm just saying that because I don't want people thinking I'm just exaggerating or making excuses or something. :]

So, yeah, with as much crap as I've been doing lately, I've been pretty daggum tired.

All last week I helped around the house. Friday and Saturday, I stayed at my sister's dorm room and chilled, and Sunday I went to Letourneau and hung out with Peter and my sister, Thea, and played sand pit volleyball for like, 2 hours, then went to church. So yeah, today (last night, technically,) has been very tiresome.

I had fun, though, chilling with Peter... he's a really awesome dude. :] He seems like he likes me, but, he's 21, and he knows I'm 17, so I doubt he'll want anything other than friendship for me.

Besides, he actually lives in Indiana... the reason he's here in Texas right now is because he's attending Letourneau (college), so, he goes back home to Indiana in the summer, and, what with school getting out soon, I'd never get to see him, so, I'm thinking that it's just pointless to try and go after him. But I guess we'll see. :]

I dyed my hair again. Yes... again. So, I had the red color in, and then I dyed all my hair brown... I bought some purple hair dye about a week ago and tried to dye my bangs purple, but it just came out bright red again, so, tonight, I dyed 'em back brown again. And, I now have straight-across bangs instead of side-swept bangs. Not sure how I feel about them yet, but yeah. :]

Anywho, I've probably already written enough content in this journal entry to make a book, so, I'mma go lay down and read now. Later, Bzoink! :]

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